(If you know this girl please send her this message. I must find her.)
Craig’s List / Missed Connections
September 21, 2011
Girl at the Whole Foods on Fairfax x 3rd
We both reached for the salt & vinegar kale chips at the same time. We caught eyes over your square glasses and I almost spilled my kombucha. You looked impossibly stunning in your Anthropologie skirt coupled with your “I spend 2 hours every morning getting ready trying to not look like I spend 2 hours every morning getting ready” off the shoulder sweater from American Apparel. I was too shy to speak to you so I wrote you this song. It’s called “Whole Foods Buffet”.
Girl I treat you real fine.
Like that $70 bottle of Chablis Bleu Wine.
I wanna take you on a trip around the world to the Whole Foods buffet.
Bring your passport, Toms, and get ready to par-tay.
I’m gonna take you on a flight to flavor town.
The Whole Foods buffet is where this shit is going down.
You know you want some chicken vindaloo.
What? Why not? Momma didn’t raise no foo.
Sushi, enchiladas, and spaghetti man.
This box is gettin heavy, this ish is getting out of hand.
Holy fuck I almost forgot, you can top this shit with gravy.
All this yummy make you want a baby?
You can slowly brush his hair while I feed him puree organic gluten-free carrots regurgitated by a free-range mountain rabbit.
My wallet is thin, so let’s not make this place a habit.
But mon petit chou I digress.
So take my hand and join me in “10 items or less”
You better liquidate your 401k.
For the flavor explosion called the Whole Foods buffet.
So let’s get our grub on girl and get to bed.
With this red rubber band, I thee wed.
P.S. Wink wink. Flirty face. Call me girl.
[Photo: The Whole Foods buffet in Glendale, CA]